Laughter is the best medicine
1. Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons.
"My Freddie," said Margaret, "Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he's constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something, the next morning it's on my doorstep."
"That's very nice about your Freddie", says Gertrude. "But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can't compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen."
"WELL!" Exclaims Barbara, "I don't want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry. Twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices?" Barbara, with a big excited double chin smile, says "I'll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!"
2. I went to the doctor the other day and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" So he gave me a kite.
3. My mother-inlaw fell down a wishing well. I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
4. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."