VIDEO: WHY JOB INTERVIEWS SUCK TODAY
When you first come out of university, you are so naïve about the world. You’ve got a degree in your pocket, a sense of accomplishment in your backpack and a fresh smile on your face as you get ready for the real world.
It all seems so easy. Apply for the job, be completely charming at the interview and BOOM – you are an employed adult with no more problems. You think that that job interview is going to be a breeze – in the movies it seems kind of okay.
But this ain’t the movies folks. And if someone even bothers to reply to your application (most of them don’t), you’ll get a job interview and a big wake up call at the same time.
Because nowadays? Job interviews suck. And step-by-step, I’ll tell you why:
Preparing For The Interview:
The day before your interview all you can think about is how to prepare. And trust me, it’s important that you do. Are you freaking out? Probably. You should be.
The panic starts with preparing your CV. Is it impressive enough? Is it pretty enough? Too long? Too short? Oh shit, should I add that I’m super good at Monopoly? It should make me seem more impressive, right?
Then you need to pick the outfit – and it’s way more complicated than you think. Because here are the two scenarios you might face:
- 1. You walk in with a semi-casual look and, as you walk in, you’re surrounded by suits. OR,
- 2. You walk in like a young professional in a suit, and you’re surrounded by jeans and t-shirts who think you’re trying too hard.
You only get one shot at a good impression. No pressure though.
The Walk In:
Now it’s time for the real show – this is not a drill. The way you walk into the office is crucial. You want to be confident enough to show them you know what you’re doing, but not too confident that they think you’re a cocky asshole. Try not to look like a socially awkward idiot while you try to find that balance – although you probably will.
The worst: when you arrive early and have to wait in a room full of people applying for the same job. All you do is look around and IMMEDIATELY regret every decision you ever made in your life.
The Greeting:
Once you finally get to the boss’s desk, it’s game on. But, what you probably didn’t prepare for is the greeting. First of all, you’re so nervous you’ll probably forget their name. And even if you don’t, what are you supposed to call the boss? You know nothing about this person. Do you call them sir? Are you on a first name basis now? Shit.
Folks, this is the easy part. It’s only going to get more awkward, and your palms are only going to get more sweaty. Partly because you decided to dress in a full body suit that is WAY too hot for the blasting sun out there. Well done.
The CV Interrogation:
To be honest, I don’t even see the point of a printed out CV anyway. The point of a CV is to show your potential boss your credentials, your list of accomplishments, and hope to GOD they’ll be impressed.
But they don’t even look at the impressive parts. They skip right past your honour roll grades, your high-end degree, your well-scripted personal statement, and they head right down to your experience.
You just came out of university. You don’t have any experience, kid.
Then they will continue to interrogate you about those bullet points as they try to figure out if you’re lying or not. Literally, they’ll have a laptop on the table and Google everything you say to make sure it’s legit.
It’s like going through security at the airport. You know you don’t have a gun in your bag, but you're still sweating like hell when they pull out that metal detector.
The Arbitrary Questions:
Once they are done with scrutinizing you about your past (seriously, sometimes you feel like they’re about to ask you how many people you’ve slept with), they drown you with a bunch of questions you have no idea how to answer.
Interviewer: “Why did you apply for this job?”
What I’m Thinking: Um because I need to afford food for my cat? Because I need to support my chocolate addiction? Because you’re hiring?
What you say: “Well… I’ve just always dreamt of stacking CDs for a living. It’s my passion.”
Like what do they expect here? You applied because you want the job. Done.
The worst – their facial expression after each answer you give. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING???
The End of the Interview:
After what seems like a lifetime of sitting in that polish-smelling, over-heated and (now) sweaty office – the interview is over. You keenly await the verdict. That is until they say the line…
“We’ll be in contact.”
Awesome. I’ll just spend the next week lying in the fetal position in my room thinking about my empty future and contemplating a job at McDonald's. Thank you for that.
And then, just like the greeting, how do you say goodbye? It’s like the end of a first date. Will he walk you to the door for a kiss? Or open the car door from the inside and say “Nice meeting you.”
All I’m saying is that job interviews are about as awkward as a gynaecologist appointment – someone inspecting you very closely and judging you for your past decisions.
And with that said, check the video below one of our favourite interviews ever. Probably not a great role-model though!